Adobe Turing Test Fail

In anticipation of updating my Adobe Creative Suite, I probed the Adobe.com website in search of a chart that compares the myriad CS suite versions. Failing to find the chart, or any other tools useful for comparing Adobe's various CS5.5 suite offerings, I initiated a chat with Adobe's sales support system expecting a quick and direct answer to a simple question. As the chat transcript below reveals, Adobe's automated customer support chat service is unhelpful and fails the Turing test:

Please hold as we route your chat to an Adobe Representative.

Welcome to Adobe.com! My name is Robin. May I assist you with your selection today?

Robin: Hi, How are you doing today?

rob: i'm seeking a chart that compares the various 'suites'

Robin: I'll be glad to help you with that.

Robin: For me to assist you better, can you tell me what kind of tasks would you like the software to help you accomplish?

rob: i have 'cs3 design premium' installed now. curious how the various bundles compare.

Robin: I'm afraid, just to clarify, when did you installed 'CS3 Design Premium'?

rob: don't know an exact date. it's been a while.

rob: the website used to have a link to a chart that compared the contents of the various bundles. it was very useful. i'd like to find it again.

Robin: I'm sorry, you're using older version of the software, Adobe released new version of the software CS5.5.

rob: my question is about cs5.5

rob: is this a turing test fail?

Robin: Let me explain you clearly.

Robin: Rob, CS5.5 Design Premium includes Dreamweaver CS5.5 for web site designing, Photoshop CS5 Extended which will help you in editing photos in more advance way, Illustrator CS5 to create images for printed productions and logos, InDesign helps you to designs and publishes documents for print , Acrobat X Pro to edit, create, manage and convert PDF file and all Flash related software.

rob: please point me to a chart that compares the different CS5.5 suite offerings.

Robin: Please give me moment.

Robin: Please click here

Robin: Did you get the link?

rob: yes, thank you. that is exactly what I was seeking.

Robin: Lets go ahead and placed the order, okay.

Robin: Rob, are we still connected?

Robin: I haven't heard from you in a while. Would you like to continue chatting?

Robin: I'm sorry, we have not heard from you. We're happy to help. However, if you do not respond soon, this chat session gets terminated automatically.

rob: all purchases must go through our purchasing office

Robin: I can understand you're concern, is there any thing else?

rob: and all vendors must be able to articulate the significance of the number 42 in Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide the the Galaxy.

Robin: Thank you for visiting Adobe.com today! Please come back online if you need any assistance. We will be happy to help.

Robin: We'd like to hear your comments. Please click on the 'Close' button in the upper right corner and take a moment to complete a short survey. Thank you! Have a Nice Day!

The convoluted grammar, and the repeated failure to respond appropriately to my specific questions, leads me to wonder: Does Adobe have a strategy of actively discouraging people from learning about and purchasing their products? As I've used Adobe products for more than 20 years, this is very disappointing.

Sand in the Vaseline: The Ed Schmidt Service Experience

For reasons that escape me currently, I took the '03 Passat to Ed Schmidt, the local VW dealer, yesterday for a scheduled oil change, and to have a couple items checked out.  Thinking it would be a short event, I decided to take advantage of the WiFi in the waiting area and work while the car was serviced.  How long can an oil change and a quick diagnostic take?  Over two hours, as it turns out.  Yep, for a scheduled appointment.

Oh, well, as the service dude explaind, the "secondary hood release" dongle needed to be replaced.  He interestingly explained that it was worn.  That's more than hilarious for a variety of reasons. Hint: as far as I can tell, it was missing altogether. Guess who last did work on the car? But I digress.

This morning, I found a pool of oil under the Passat, Dark, dirty oil.  Huh?  Again?  Yeah, this has happened before. And has only happened after an Ed Schmidt oil change. One time, rather than remove the aerodynamics improving belly pan that covers the oil plug, the crack Ed Schmidt mechanic emptied the oil into the belly pan.  Naturally, I'm wondering: did they do that again?

Just after discovering the oil puddle in the garage, a Customer Satisfaction Survey from Ed Schmidt landed in my email.  So, I launched the survey.  All I wanted to do was query about the oil puddle. The genius that designed the VERY LONG survey configured it such that a respondent must answer every single question in order to submit the survey.  All I wanted to do was submit a question. Nope, can't do.

Ah, ha! Instead I'll reply to the survey invitation email. An email sent to rrandall@edschmidt.com should get my question to a living breathing Ed Schmidt employee. Right?

Nope. Email sent in reply to the customer satisfaction survey generates this response:

Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:
rrandall@edschmidt.com
The recipient's e-mail address was not found in the recipient's e-mail system. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please check the e-mail address and try resending this message, or provide the following diagnostic text to your system administrator.

Brilliant!

So, I pulled up Ed Schmidt's web site in search of a contact.  A live chat dialog appeared. A Todd queried as to how he could assist me.  (Immediately, I'm wondering if he has a sister or girl friend named Margo). OK, game on!  I shared with Todd  the fact of the pool of oil on the garage floor and the saga of the bounced customer satisfaction email. Todd promised to have someone contact me.

Amy, Ed Schmidt's Internet Manager, called me a short while later. She promised to have the service manager call me and asked that I forward to her the customer satisfaction survey invite email with the bouncy return address. I did.

Jeff, the SM, called a short while later, and "Sir'd" me a lot. Jeff says, "sir" in a way that implies an effort to put one in his/her proper place (not to be confused with the respectful "sir!" as voiced by military personnel). "Sir, I can't know for certain with out examining the car, but it could be, what we cal a 'messy oil change.' Sometimes the guys fumble the oil filter when removing it and oil gets spilled in nooks and crannies in the engine. You would need to bring the car in, sir, for us to examine it and make sure everything is OK."

So, this is a problem that happens so frequently that Jeff has a name for it?  Not a good sign. This is the fourth time a simple oil change has required a repeat trip to Ed Schmidt to have post-service service performed on the car. If I've experienced problems subsequent to oil changes at Ed Schmidt this often, it suggests major gaps in their quality control.  Rather than name the error, how about instituting processes aimed at eliminating the occurrence of the error?

Bartleby the Scrivner Lives on at Verizon Wireless: "Unfortunately I can not."

Perusing the VerizonWireless website this morning, a chat dialog popped up:

"May I help you?" it asked?

Hmm ... I do have a question. OK, I'm game. Here's what ensued:

Please wait for a Verizon Wireless sales representative to assist you with your order. Thank you for your patience!

A Verizon Wireless online pre-sales specialist has joined the chat. You are now chatting with Jonathon

Jonathon: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. May I help you with your order today?

You: why does the 'new every two' date on my phone not match when I acquired the phone?

Jonathon: I'd be happy to assist you.

Jonathon: When did you purchase your phone?

You: i believe it was january 2009

Jonathon: May I have your 10 digit mobile number to better assist you today.

You: xxx-xxx-xxx

Jonathon: Thank you.

Jonathon: Can you please verify the last 4 social on the account for me.

You: xxxx

Jonathon: Please hold on while I check that information.

Jonathon: That is because you are getting a bigger discount on your phone. But I can provide you with customer service number for a early upgrade today.

You: could you clarify that for me?

You: are you suggesting that my corporate discount yields a 'new every two' window that is longer than two years?

Jonathon: You qualify for a upgrade up too $100 dollars off your new phone. And that upgrade is eligible every 23 months. But we will let you upgrade early at regular discount prices. I can provide you with customer care number to better assist you that today.

You: why does the upgrade window not align with the acquisition date of the phone/initiation date of the contract?

Jonathon: Unfortunately I do not have access to that information. May I assist you with customer care number to better assist you with that today.

You: can you confirm the start date of my contract?

Jonathon: Unfortunately I can not.

Jonathon: May I provide you with customer care number to better assist you with that information.

You: sure

Jonathon: 1-800-922-0204 Customer Care. May I assist you with anything else today?

Rather than Bartleby the Scrivner's infamous line, "I would prefer not to," VerizonWireless equipes their customer service reps with the variation, "Unfortunately I can not."

In response to the repeated, "May I provide you with customer care number to better assist you?" my Bartlebian response is: "I would prefer not to."

VerizonWireless: Can I charge you for the 20 minutes wasted on that unhelpful chat session?

VerizonWireless.com is no Amazon.com

Yesterday, I decided to replace my out-of-contract and not-so-trusty Treo 700p. AT&T's network doesn't include Ada. That dashed my longing to have an iPhone fling. I'd love to boogie with a Blackberry. ONU is a Microsoft Exchange shop. Mail/contact/calendar sync over the air is essential. So Blackberry is off the table. Sorting through Verizonwireless' offerings of Exchange compatible phones, I decided to purchase a Samsung Saga.

So I headed to VerizonWireless.com to order the phone. That's when the fun started. I took a pass through the ordering process. The options made no sense. The detail available provided no clarification. I bailed without making a purchase.

Fortified by lunch and a beer, I tried again. This time I rounded up an IM buddy, a "VerizonWireless online pre-sales specialist" to assist me. Here's how that process unfolded:

Please wait for a Verizon Wireless sales representative to assist you with your order. Thank you for your patience!

A Verizon Wireless online pre-sales specialist has joined the chat. You are now chatting with MJ

MJ: Hello. Thank you for visiting our chat service. May I help you with your order today?
You: I currently have the unlimited data plan. what is the difference between the unlimited data plan and the less expensive email/web data plan?

MJ: The only difference is that the $44.99 package gives you access to corporate emailing, they both give you unlimited emailing and unlimited web as well.
You: What is 'corporate emailing'?

MJ: It is emailing for corporations, that use a special emailing system
You: hmm ... I configure the phone to connect with the exchange server. Is that a 'special emailing system'?

MJ: What is the exact name?
You: The exact name of what?

MJ: Ok the server that you use for emailing?
You: Microsoft Exchange Server

MJ: Please hold on while I check that information.
MJ: Is it a Pop 3 account?
You: No ... it is a Microsoft Exchange Server account ... when configuring the account, one selects Microsoft Exchange from the list of account types ...
MJ: Ok great, then the $29.99 package will not work for you. The Exchange server is counted as a corporate emailing account.
You: thank you

MJ: Are you looking to upgrade today?
You: yes
MJ: Are you ready to go ahead and place your order today?
You: yes
MJ: Excellent! To upgrade your equipment you will need to sign in to your "My Verizon" and click on "My Services". You will then click on "Upgrade Now" under the picture of your phone.

You: so ... even thought I already have an unlimited data plan i must still select it when ordering the phone?
MJ: Correct the new one you select will void out the one that you have now.

MJ: Are you logged into your account at this time?
You: yes
MJ: Excellent, have you begun the upgrade process today?
You: yes
MJ: Excellent, where are you in the process?
You: in the cart

You: fed ex overnight will have it to me tomorrow (friday)?
MJ: That is correct, as long as you purchase by 3:30.
You: 3:30? so i still have time?
MJ: That is correct, as long as it is not passed 3:30 in your time zone.

You: can you offer me a promo code to cover the overnight shipping fee?
MJ: Unfortunately we do not have any promotional codes at this time, and haven't for a long time.
You: ah ... the promo code is on the front page of the web site ;-)

MJ: There is a code?
You: yep ... on the verizonwireless home page

MJ: You will need to have selected it when you began the process today?
You: the code? no, gave a code to enter in the promo code box
MJ: I'm sorry the last statement was meant for the messaging did you select this when you went through he upgrade process?
You: no ... i didn't see it as an option
MJ: Does your current calling plan include unlimited messaging?
You: yes
MJ: Awesome, then your fine it will still be there for you!
You: thx

You: so hit submit order?
MJ: That is correct!

You: done. thx for your assist
MJ: Are there any other questions that I can help you with today?
MJ: Thank you for visiting Verizon Wireless, I look forward to speaking with you again. Have a great day!
Your chat session has been ended by your Verizon Wireless online agent.

Compared to Amazon.com's highly efficient, info-abundant, super easy, one-click ordering ecosystem, VerizonWireless' ordering process is perhaps the most complicated ordering process I've encountered in some time. Why? Verizon certainly has the resources to make the process informative and user friendly.

Why couldn't I have ordered a new phone with my Treo 700p? Verizon makes lots of money off of the mobile web. Why isn't VerizonWireless leveraging the mobile web to improve the customer experience in a way that makes it easier to remain a VerizonWireless customer? Why indeed!

Blogger Error: Unexpected Delete

OK, so I spent time over the past two days crafting the first of several intended posts on general education. I've been enmeshed in designing a general education program for the past two years and it is time to share insights and gleen wisdom from others. 

That was my intent.  The first post was done. Published. BUT, I dorked one of the labels.  Where delicious expects spaces to separate tags, Blogger expects a comma.  I didn't know that. So, Blogger translated my string of space separated tags into one long meaningless spew.  

So, I tried Blogger's tag edit feature.  Who'd a thunk that 'delete' on the "Label Actions" drop down menu means that the label/tag AND the associated post gets deleted?  Intuitive mapping? Nope. Blogger provides a warning about deleting a draft or a published post via the edit posts window. Did Blogger provide a "Are you sure you want to delete this post?" in this situation Nope!  Does Blogger have an undelete feature? Nope.